Prithy Good Sir, May I Borrow Your Dragon?

I have a standing lunch date on Tuesdays with a few of my coworkers to play Settlers of Catan. Settlers is, theoretically, a German board game of world domination sort of like Risk or Civilization but the way we play it's mostly an exercise in embracing our nerdiness and mocking our coworkers. At both of these things we excel. And so when, at a party this weekend, it was revealed that 3 of my gamer cohorts have cast such a wide net of love over the world of games that somehow the nerdiest game to ever rise out of the dark depth of junior high has been scooped up for a great big slobbery hug. I speak, of course, of Dungeons and Dragons. This fact alone was plenty fodder for mocking, especially because the three of us with no ties to role playing refused to believe that the D&D afternoons that our friends attended did not include a certain live action element. At the mere mention of the game I conjured up images of cape clad boys wielding paper towel tube swords and yelling at one another in fake old English. "Hark! Prince Aridawn Lord of the Prairie Nymphs Demands an audience with the King of Fawnshire and there better be crumpets!" they shouted. There was some protesting of this imagined version of the game but there were also a number of confessions (I don't think that I need to say that alcohol had obviously been consumed) which supported my theory that the geekery was out of control.

1. Joel has an animal companion, he's a wolf and his name is Night Eyes.
2. Dan rides a magical horse and also owns two magic sword which he has named (god damn the booze for blurring memories badly enough to put remembering the names of horses and swords just out of reach).

And so first thing Monday morning the following all too hilarious emails went out.

Last names have been censored to protect my coworkers who, I assume, would like to someday know the pleasure of a woman (who they did not make up as part of some elaborate fantasy game set in Roman times and who also is not a character on a video game and who also does not ever need to be inflated.)

Email Chain #1

From: Brianna Klemm
Subject: Settlers tomorrow

I can't play tomorrow but provided you guys can manage to organize a meeting without my awesome project management skills perhaps Night Eyes can fill my vacancy.
Bri

From: Joel XXXXXXX
Subject: RE: Settlers tomorrow

And just when I hoped the drunkness would blur that memory out..

From: Jeremy XXXXXXX
Sent: Monday, May 12, 2008 10:52 AM
Subject: RE: Settlers tomorrow

I'm not sure I could drink enough to forget about an animal companion named Night Eyes.

From: Matthew XXXXXXX
Subject: RE: Settlers tomorrow

I wanted so badly to be the first person to drop Night Eyes this morning! Ahhhh! At least I know I am not the only one.

From: Brianna Klemm
Subject: RE: Settlers tomorrow

Can someone please remember the name of Dan's magical horse so we can start working that in as well?

Email Chain #2

From: Jeremy XXXXX
Subject: Puerto Rico Playing (I haven't read all the rules, but it looks like there are no 'Animal Companions', sorry Joel)

Since half of us are feeling especially cool in light of the "Night Eyes" revelation, I think its time for me to try and even the playing field. I have a new game called Puerto Rico that we should try playing. Since we don't know the rules we think we should probably play at a bar after work. Does tomorrow or Wednesday night work?

From: Matthew XXXXXXX
Subject: Re: Puerto Rico Playing (I haven't read all the rules, but it looks like there are no 'Animal Companions', sorry Joel)

I'm a maybe. Are there spells?

Matt

From: Brianna
Subject: Re: Puerto Rico Playing (I haven't read all the rules, but it looks like there are no 'Animal Companions', sorry Joel)

I'm also a Tuesday maybe and a Wednesday no... I would hesitate to suggest this but given the current low level of cool for the group as a whole how does Friday look?

Dan -- let us know if you'll be out gallivanting with Snow Angle the Wonder Pony (don't think that just because you refuse to share your horse's name that you will not be mocked)

From: Daniel XXXXXXX
Subject: Re: Puerto Rico Playing (I haven't read all the rules, but it looks like there are no 'Animal Companions', sorry Joel)

I think you mean "Snow Angel", but nice try.

From: Brianna
Subject: Re: Puerto Rico Playing (I haven't read all the rules, but it looks like there are no 'Animal Companions', sorry Joel)

Really? You think my typo somehow negates you having A MAGIC HORSE? nice try yourself.

From: Daniel XXXXXX
Subject: Re: Puerto Rico Playing (I haven't read all the rules, but it looks like there are no 'Animal Companions', sorry Joel)

Dude, you're a girl. You've always wanted a magic horse. You probably played with magic horse dolls when you were little. You're just jealous that I have one, and you don't.

From: Jeremy XXXXXXX
Subject: RE: Puerto Rico Playing (I haven't read all the rules, but it looks like there are no 'Animal Companions', sorry Joel)

Wow. I think this counts as one of those kamikaze defenses. I believe Dan just equated himself to a little girl that plays with magic horse dolls...