Oprah Finally Getting in on the Sweet Cult Leader Action

Today Oprah tried to sell all the housewives of America (and those of us with dvr) on a little piece of crap self help movie called "The Secret." I tried to research the secret via the secret web page but it was overburdened with 45 year old housewives wishing for a magical way to lose 5lbs so i turned to my friend wikipedia.

Here's the gist:

• If you want something badly enough you will get it
• You'll only get things that help the universe as a whole
• If you want something and you're not getting it it's because you subconsciously don't really want it.
• If bad things happen to you it's because you subconsciously wanted them to happen. (So stop your whining cancer victims!)
  

Here's a little example:

In one example in the film, "a kid who wants a red BMX bicycle cuts out a picture in a catalog, concentrates real hard, and is rewarded with the spiffy two-wheeler."^[2]

Since you only get things that help the universe I have to assume that the boy was a paperboy and his first bike was stolen and people missed their papers and because they had not read the news they did not know about the genocide in Sudan but once he got the new bike they read about it and then they totally fixed it. Thank you The Secret!

More evidence of the powers of collage were shown on Oprah -- one of her guests claimed to have made a collage of herself on Oprah and HERE SHE IS!!! And now, because of her, I've written this sweet blog post and the universe is a happier place.