Mother's Milk -- A Restaurant Review by Casper

I'll state off the bat that I have mixed feelings about this place. On one hand the food is AMAZING and you cannot beat the price on the all you can eat special. Additionally they offer (off menu) "free refills" to regulars if you ask (I usually just scream really loudly after I finish my first course). Unfortunately I feel that something has to be said about the service. At times it can take five whole minutes to get a table and after that you'll often wait up to 30 seconds for your meal to arrive. A baby could starve to death in that amount of time! I myself have almost wasted away to nothing on many occasions. I have spoken at length to the proprietor about these issues and she never seems to take my concerns seriously. I'd stop going there all together but the place is so convenient (open 24 hours!) and honestly the ambiance cannot be beat (I think you dudes know what I'm talking about *nudgenudge* *winkwink*).

Casper, Month 1

Hey Casper -- You’re 1 month old! 

My thoughts on our first month together are a bit jumbled and unformed and I suspect you won’t allow me enough writing time to mold them into a cohesive essay so enjoy this mishmash of unorganized mama babble.

I cannot believe that all of that time when I was pregnant it was you who was inside of me. Some moms say they know their babies before they are born but I had no idea and now I’m consumed with getting to know you and it is so much fun. That said, I know that no matter how new and special you seem to your mom and dad you are probably very much like every other 1 month old baby and so this blog entry might be very boring to everyone who is not me. C'est la vie.

I am, so far, lucky to have such a happy sleepy baby but when the world gets to be too much and you scream and scream your dad discovered a little baby hypnotizing tool: the white noise of the bathroom vent. You love the bathroom vent so much that I’m a bit worried that you think it might be your mother. Jealousy aside, having such a reliable baby charming device right in our home is both a godsend and a hilarious party trick. Stepping over the threshold into “Casper’s Calm Down Room” (as your dad calls it) takes you from inconsolable screamer to passed out drunk almost immediately. Unfortunately the powers of the vent are contained to the bathroom and leaving, even when you seem completely zonked, often returns the maddest baby in the world to my arms. This has resulted in many nights spent hanging out perched on the toilet considering if moving your bassinet into the bathroom would make me a bad parent.

You were born with long sharp nails and since we’ve been told to put off cutting them until you’re one month old this has been a month of scratches and what we have come to call “hand jail.” I used to see onesies with little attached mittens and think they were made to keep baby fingers warm, I now know that the little cuffs are meant to keep baby and mom from being stabbed to death.

Your dad and I have so many nicknames for you: Stretcherson, Mr. Grumpenstein, Big Pooper, etc -- a name for ever one of your faces. Your granddad is trying hard to make you a Cas and one of dad’s friends is pushing to call you Whit. It’s all in love, everyone wants to have a special name just for you, we’ll see if any of them stick.

When you’re in a good mood and looking around the room you want very badly to hold your head up. For a one month old you’re doing a pretty good job of picking up your huge noggin, we wonder if your womb position helped you build a little extra neck muscle.

Both sets of grandparents are in love with you. “Of course they are!” says everyone - but your dad and I expected a more laid back performance. Our brothers already have kids so you’re not the first grandchild and all of our parents don’t really seem that into babies. Throughout my pregnancy everyone was very calm and unimpressed with having a new grand baby… but after you were born everything changed. Grandmom Gruetzmacher can hardly hold back from grabbing you out of my arms. Grandpa Horst has already promised you a pony (you have proof in writing here so if no pony shows up feel free to cite this blog post). We receive constant complaints that we’re not uploading enough pictures to the CasperVision photostream.

Your cousins are smitten with you too. Dalanie and Zayden have visited you on FaceTime at least once a week. Zayden, especially seems to be in love -- he’s only 4 so he shows his love by yelling at you through the phone, singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and mooning you.

I remain sad that you’ll be growing up even though I know 3 months and 6 months and 1 year will bring so many exciting new things. I can’t help feeling like you’re perfect right now and I want to keep you like this forever (yes, even with the 4am feedings, the occasional inconsolable hours and the poopy diapers). When I was little I found it so annoying when adults would talk about how fast time was moving when it seemed like the wait for the end of the school day or Christmas or summer vacation was taking eons but parenthood has made time fly for me too. How has it been a whole month since you were born? How can we slow down time so we can spend endless days cooing at each other on the couch while watching the snow fall?