Wednesday, November 01, 2006

12 Steps to Halloween Success

  1. Get dumped one month before Halloween thus leaving a hole in your life that can only be filled by crafts
  2. Obsessively search craft forums for a costume idea that does not require any sewing skills and is not ridiculously slutty
  3. Settle on a jellyfish because its stinging tentacles represent the stinging pain that now lives forever in your heart. Decide this metaphor might be a bit too much to demand of a costume.
  4. Stick with costume anyway since you like marine life.
  5. Spend way too much money at Micheal’s on trimmings. Glimpse your future in the form of scrapbooks and elaborate tablescapes. Be not afraid.
  6. Buy a clear umbrella on ebay
  7. Decide that it would be amazingly cool if you were a luminescent jellyfish. Find source for battery powered Christmas lights: small string of blue lights: $2, shipping: $10. Hope that electronic aspect will impress tech-y coworkers.
  8. Go into work late so that you can stand in line for 45 minutes at the post office because they refuse to leave the umbrella at your house when you are not home. You are never home when the mail is delivered because you have a job (something one needs in order to pay for crafting supplies since your insurance does not pay for psychiatric visits and how else will you get over your breakup?)
  9. Tape ribbons, strings, sequins, lights, etc to umbrella. Realize the actual “crafting” portion of your craft project took about 20min, so much for filling time with artistic expression.
  10. Realize that you kind of need something to wear under the umbrella (though if finding a quick rebound guy was part of the goal you probably can’t beat “naked jellyfish.”).
    1. Wonder if perhaps the fact that you think men find jellyfish sexy is somehow contributing to your unsuccessful romantic endeavors.
  11. Dig up a white tank top and silver skirt you bought in college, find it still fits and wonder how this is possible since you weigh about 40lbs less. Choose to believe skirt is magic.
  12. Add some silly silver make-up and tie silver curling ribbons in your hair – TADA! Halloween success.

One Step to Blog Failure

  1. Beg coworkers for photographic evidence of your costume – come up with only one photo which doesn’t show how cool the lights were. Blog failure.


Anonymous said...

i think it's adorable...

...wanna come over for dinner?

homemade cornbread, banana bread, and something with fish bits. (no jelly fish were harmed in the making of this supper...)

themikestand said...

haha... Awesome list. Great costume, too. Did you do dinner with alia? Cuz that sounds yummy.

Anonymous said...

wow I'm impressed. Next year if your out in SF (I hope) we should work on something together (as in you can help me figure something out that is cool). I can sew.


Anonymous said...

nice costume!

it all worked out well!

too bad it didn't rain, cause you would have totally been prepared.

amy said...

that was best blog entry ever. I laughed. I cried. It should be a novel.. hmm.. maybe my heroine should be a jelly fish for halloween and attract main-boy character with her silver skirt and ribbiony tenticles. Hmm... you don't mind if I steal your life for sake of my art, do you?

part of me needed to ask that because I am reading your blog instead of writing the 2,571 words I still have to write *tonight*. Stealing your life makes me feel like maybe I'm really writing when I surf the internet. Research. Yeah, I'll shut up now. Damn you wine club...