- 75 Simpsons reruns (that Disco Stu is so dreamy)
- At least one news story about an everyday household item that is going to kill you (probably that grenade you keep in back of the closet)
- 4.5 hours of "court" TV ("she done stole my man and my cubic zirconia anklet!")
- Me making a fool of myself on "The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet" (oh fuck.)
You should probably stay home sick.