Sometimes I think my writing is funny but it turns out that everything I’ve ever written is crap. But everything this college kid writes? Comedy gold. You should be embarrassed for even looking at my blog when you could be reading his book. If you need me I’ll be over here questioning my self worth. (Please don't leave me...)
I went to the Peanut Butter and Co. restaurant a couple of months ago and happily binged on a PB, banana and honey sandwich followed by chocolate peanut butter malt followed by acquiring diabetes and cardiovascular disease. It was totally worth it.
Then, a couple of weeks ago while browsing in Whole Foods I picked up a jar of Smooth Operator. My god it’s good. I wouldn’t have thought you could have improved upon peanut butter (well unless you’re going to sell it with handfuls of chocolate chips pre-stirred in, I will totally have sex with the CEO of the first company to do this.) but Peanut Butter and Co. surpassed my already high expectations for peanut butter. You should eat some right now and then email me your theories about if peanut butter consumption can lead to orgasm.
Once upon a time the makers of vitamin water made something called “fruit water” which was calorie free lightly fruit flavored water and it was awesome – through what I assume is the addition of cancer causing chemicals they were able to turn regular H2O into a product that could trick my sugar starved dieting self into thinking I was drinking a beverage with calories. Sadly this product all but disappeared from bodega selves sometime in 2005. Enter Hint Water. Sure it costs over $2 a bottle. Sure it’s a rip off of an old product. But it’s yummy and it has no calories! And the bottle is really pretty!
In high school I had a number of cheer leader friends who spent large numbers of Thursday nights writing ridiculous Bishop Union High School Bronco football inspired statements on huge sheets of butcher paper. Because a girl can only spend so much time lying on the floor of her bedroom listening to the Cranberries and asking God why he has cursed her with such a tortured existence I occasionally would help out with the pep rally prep. One of the most embarrassing butcher paper slogans was “Bronco Butts Drive Us Nuts!!!” At the time I didn’t really appreciate the power of a nice ass and greeted this statement with the same eye rolling reaction as PE requirements, every word my mom uttered during the years of 1992-1996 and life in general. I have recently discovered that the fault lay not in the statement but in the butts. The inadequacy of Bronco butts is readily apparent when viewed in comparison to Friday Night Lights Panther butts. Especially the butt of one Tim Riggins (aka Taylor Kitsch). Especially when viewed in connection to his 6 pack and pout-y grape stained lips. Especially when viewed in my fantasy world where he doesn’t have on any pants.
The show is also entertaining and well written. Whatever.