Skating Into the Future

Because I believe that God should be given ample opportunity to strike me down before I officially enter middle age I celebrated my 29^th birthday on roller skates. God has once again allowed me to age (though he could still take me at 28 – he has until midnight tonight) as last night's festivities (despite involving alcohol) did not result in even one fall. The celebration was at the Roxy in Chelsea where everyone is still partying like it’s 1978. One assumes this is to permanently honor the year of my birth, it’s good to know that there are people out there with such a clear understanding of priorities.

Many party attendees were in fear for their life while rolling around the rink, most notably Amy, who at one point had her own security guard companion skating around with her trying to protect the Roxy from lawsuits (they were doubly protected since we all had to sign a waiver on the way in). Late in the evening one of the pro skaters decided to grab me and go very fast, at first I thought for sure I would die until I realized the freedom of no longer being responsible for my own life then I learned to enjoy watching the crowds fly by while being spun around at 30mph.

Skating is easy in comparison to trying to pee while on roller skates. Since I was appropriately dressed for the event I had to negotiate pulling my tube-top down (ideally without pulling my bra off) to get off the attached shorts, shimmy out of my nylons and underdutchies and then sit down all while trying not to let my feet escape under the door. Thank god that bathroom stalls have walls – the bathroom experience at the Roxy could be seriously improved by handles and some sort of skate lock-in device at the base of the toilet.

There are very few things more spirit lifting than watching a 45 year old man with light up roller skates busting out his far out disco moves. Who can bemoan getting older after that?