I wrote this a few years ago as a joke and it was picked up as a "best of craig's list" post -- I thought I'd repost it here so that it doesn't get lost (and cause it's funny) (and cause I love boobs).
I have for sale one beautiful matching set of size 34 D breasts. When I say matching folks I am not fooling around not only did these babies come prepackaged together from the manufacturer but they are indeed twins in color, form AND size. This set is authentic in every way and made from pure human flesh completely saline and silicon free.
This set would make an amazing gift for a girlfriend who needs a little extra, a drag queen ready to really wow her fans or a lonely bachelor in need of a little lovin'. Personally, I don't know anyone who wouldn't be blown away to receive a gift of this magnitude why say it with flowers when you can say it with bodacious tatas?
You might ask why anyone would be willing to part with such a rare find. And though it pains me to see them go I have to acknowledge that I cannot provide the twins with the attention they deserve. Due to an unfortunate series of events* the girls are being forced to waste away their prime caged up and unattended to. I hope that their new owner can find a way to share them with the world and give them a more fulfilling
life than I have been able to provide.
No legitimate seller would expect you to take just her word alone on the quality of her merchandise so I am happy to provide you with the following testimonials:
"Me and my friend just kept asking her to slow dance over and over again at this wedding we were at." Freshman, Saint Johns High School, 14
"I nearly beat the shit out of my friend when he wouldn't stop telling me how nice my sister's tits were." brother, 22
Hey hot mama why doncha let me come over there and suck on those babies? Construction Worker Tino Giacomi, 32
As you would expect a product of this level of quality could cost you a pretty penny even imitation versions often retail for five or even ten thousand dollars. Today I am prepared to offer you a rare deal indeed, you get both breasts, the complete set** for a mere $20,000***. Supplies are obviously very limited so you would be wise to respond ASAP.
*Events to include but not limited to: a few pathetically boring first dates, a number of weird spontaneously disappearing boys, daily ogling without proper appreciation, occasional pawing and a general lack of positive male attention.
** Price excludes tax and transportation fees, buyer assumes all responsibility for installation and product up-keep.
*** Seller may be willing to trade for a new GTI or a credentialed gigolo.