Or maybe I am. My new eye doctor can’t say for sure whether or not I sleep with my eyes open but even if I do this is not the cause of the horrible eye stinging which has gotten progressively worse and has made friends with extreme light sensitivity, blurry vision and an appearance that screams “I was up all night doing shots of Everclear with the guys from Poison.” (would that I were that cool.) My new eye doctor seems like a nice guy, he gave me lots of information and was sad to hear that old crappy eye doctor misdiagnosed me so badly – he really did not deserve to have his office infected with my toxic eye virus.
Turns out I have Epidemic Keratoconjunctivitis (EKC for short) in both eyes. Since at least one of the readers of this blog suffered through 6 months of cancer treatments I can't complain too much about my pathetic little eye disease (Dear Amy, thanks for ruining sympathy for EVERYONE.). That said it seriously sucks. The highlights:
- No real treatment options
- Could take a few weeks or AS LONG AS A YEAR to clear up
It’s also extremely contagious, though mostly in the first few weeks and I’ve had the virus for about 2 months. Thus far all of my friends seem eye death free -- clearly I have good taste in terms of immune system strength (one of the most important traits in any friend). As far as I know I’ve never had any illness that would be characterized as an epidemic and I must say that the diagnosis makes me a little excited. Because of me all of the nurses had to don rubber gloves and begin scrubbing down the entire doctor’s office with bleach. Because of me no one can linger in the waiting room perusing the January 1 2007 issue of Newsweek (I was asked to put it into the hazardous waste bin). I felt bad for the extra work and the lost opportunities to read about the death Gerald Ford but I also felt a bit like a super villain. I am obviously easily corrupted by even tiny amounts of power.
Looking on the brightside in addition to a my new identity ("RedEye" -- super outfit-wise I’m thinking of some cute red and white striped tights, a red leather bustier and a shiny white cape) though I can’t wear my contacts I did just purchase some very cute new glasses.