This Just In: Brianna Still Loves Trashy TV

Last night I watched the second episode of Beauty and the Geek season three. I missed episode one because DVR rebelled against me and refused to record such tripe – we had a little talk about social analysis, the importance of staying in touch with mass media and how at the end of a long hard day in the office there’s nothing as rewarding as feeling superior to your fellow (wo)man and thankfully he’s back on bored.

The premise of the show is that beautiful girls can help geeky boys to overcome their social phobias and learn how to score with hot women and geeky boys can teach beautiful girls about how book learning can be rewarding and fun and there’s more to life than fashion and partying. Lofty goals for a show produced by Ashton Kutcher.

Last night’s episode had the boys drawing a nude model who babbled endlessly about boring crap. Of course the challenge was secretly to listen to her monologue not to focus on her huge tatas. One of the boys drew a picture of one of her gigantic fake boobs with 4 stick figure men orbiting and the title “Perfection?” He was of course rebuffed for not respecting women despite the fact that this was the most awesome thing ever. (and here I am loving boobs again… it’s a sickness I tell you). The intended lesson that men should listen to women (specifically women that they want to date) was overshadowed by the (one assumes) unintended lesson that women never have anything interesting to say. Viewers can’t really blame the Geeks for tuning out naked Sofia’s commentary on girly movies and fashion while trying to complete their assigned task -- they don't care about girly movies and fashion and nor should they have to. I guess if they want to sleep with Sofia feigning interest in her babble is a means to an end but a better lesson might be that beauty and interesting conversation are not mutually exclusive (you could probably even find a girl with enormous fake tits and something interesting to say if that’s your thing – it takes all kinds.).

The girls were told to study a book on the history of aeronautics and then were challenged to lead a tour at the California Science Center. There was no catch for the ladies’ task, if they studied they did well and if they didn’t they bombed and the whole thing was ridiculously boring. I suppose we’re all supposed to be amused by the girl’s mistakes and how stupid they are but they don’t seem stupid (or at least no more so than we’ve already been trained to expect), they seem lazy. Most didn’t study and so they have very little of interest to say. Lazy isn’t really amusing or attractive.

The show seems to have forgone any premise of getting the pretty girls to change. While they continue the pattern of giving the girls supposedly geeky (read: boring) materials and quizzing them on the content the show has ceased any attempt to suggest that the girls are in any need of growth. Being pretty is enough. Not that many of the girls seem interested in much beyond air time.

I think reality TV must be losing its appeal among Hollywood wannabes because there seems to be a general dearth of Beauty among the Beauties. I’ve always thought that the babes of reality TV were pathetically generic looking but some of these girls verge on actually being unattractive. The qualifications for the Beauty title seem to be thin, boobs reminiscent of Jello cups and a willingness to dress as if we are living under some extreme fabric rationing system. The Geeks don’t even seem that impressed (unlike in Seasons one and two when there was much drooling) – perhaps because they’re not really that geeky. Nate and Scotter, though both in need of a shave are actually pretty good looking and I suspect only in this for their own amusement (and the potential to win cash). According to the WB site Nate is the singer in a Star Wars themed band so I think it’s safe to assume that there are plenty of hipster ladies willing to teach him all about (real?) beauty (and if not he can call me). I think the problem here may be that Geeky is now cool (and I’m not just saying that to preserve my ego) and the plastic Hollywood beauty that pervades these game shows is no longer the ideal. These Geeks don’t really need to overcome their own personalities so that they can score with former playboy bunnies and car show models. The Beauties however could use a few life lessons.

In other news, here’s a shocker:

(take the quiz yourself)

And in other bad TV news bonus points go out to the preview for this week’s Real World (which DVR is keeping warm for a chilly night with no suitable trash to snuggle up with) which featured the following 2 conversations both involving Brooke who I previously thought was the least crazy of the housemates:

Clip 1
(while preparing to leave on a hike)

Guide: Brooke are those shorts?
Brooke: No! Underwear! But the totally look like shorts, right?

(no, they do not, they look like black boy cut underwear – kind of cute I might add and you do have a smoking hot ass but these are not exactly hiking friendly or, you know appropriate to wear as your only below the waist attire while on national television)

Clip 2
(near camp fire)
Guide: Brooke you can’t just wipe in the middle of camp!

(Mama must be so proud. She is still the least trashy girl on the show since I’ve yet to see any of her pixilated and she seems to have refrained from sleeping with frat boy Alex (unlike the other 2 girls who checked this off of their list within 48 hours of moving in)).