Friday, March 07, 2008

Common C-List Celebrity Tragedies

  1. Lure of "Free Meth Tuesdays!" at Scientology headquarters too sweet to resist.
  2. Theory that "If the people like to see a little leg why wouldn't they enjoy a peek at the lady pie?" completely convincing until point of execution.
  3. Obama campaign so full up with Hollywood types that they are no longer willing to let you in if you haven't appeared in at least 1 actual movie not also starring Paris Hilton.
  4. Paparazzi slowly realizing that constant flipping of the bird is really a desperate plea for a little action.
  5. PETA beginning to reject offers to pose nude for animal rights claiming shock of seeing celebrities sans clothing has completely worn off.
  6. Plan to gain publicity by dating Mary Kate foiled by Olsen twin's demand to see your AARP membership card.
  7. Plan to get pregnant in order to drum up some love in the press severely hampered by your penis.
  8. Cameo in Please Let the Dogs Out not paying enough to afford the specialty bras big enough to contain the huge ass boobs purchased with check from cameo in Porking the Rind.
  9. African term that adopted offspring has been using in place of "mom" actually means "whore."
  10. Reality TV cash cow now longer producing milk as viewing public slowly loses interest in watching you do crazy shit on the E network.
(Special thanks to The Mike Stand for much help in the brain storming department)

(This drivel is cross-posted at Burt Reynold's Mustache)

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