Monday, June 02, 2008

Covert Ops

I’m now going to reveal a secret about myself that I may regret exposing. When I need something from someone whom I do not know, especially if getting this something may require a lie, and double especially if this someone is a dude I do two things.

  1. I make a self effacing comment usually about how stupid I am.
  2. I speak with a slight southern accent

Neither of these acts is particularly conscious but I suspect that deep down in my manipulative little heart some part of me thinks (rightly) that the most unscary person least likely to pull one over on anyone is a nice young southern girl.

Today in route back to the east coast I had to return a rental car that my cousin Adam had picked up but could not return – a car which I had no claim to but had driven 200 miles ACROSS STATE LINES anyway which likely violates 75 or so laws. Seriously, I am such a bad ass. When I got to the car rental return parking lot at the Reno airport, stopping briefly in the middle of the damn road to twice reread a sign claiming I should drive on the left side of the street and shake my head in confusion, I hopped out and smiled sweetly at the aged Asian gentleman manning the return station. And then I launching into my schpeel. “You confused me there with driving on the left side of the road! My little head nearly exploded!” “Oh no!” he laughed (already caught in my trap). He checked the car (yes I put $50 of gas in the damn thing, and yes I am super fucking glad to live in NY and have next to no knowledge about just how expensive gasoline is.) and as he printed out my receipt glanced down and said, “Hey, this isn’t you…” (apparently he isn’t open to the kind of progressive naming that results in a girl named Adam). “Oh no, That’s my huuuuuuusband, he checked with the company and they said it’d be just fine if I returned the car,” I drawled. “Of course it is! You have a great trip honey!”

CIA ain't got nothing on me y'all.

8 comments:

Yemil said...

I'm thinking you forgot a #3:

Take the opportunity to wear cleavage promoting clothing.

I have to think, as often as you've discussed your breasts here, you are fully aware of their power over any man you may attempt to secure some assistance. For that matter, I expect most women learn that the day they get a training bra - I just figure some instruction to that affect comes at the point of purchase.

Brianna said...

Actually no. I'm sure all men will think i'm lying but I very rarely even think about making some sort of use out of my boobs. My image of myself is so far from temptress that it hardly even seems like a part I could pull off. Sweet stupid girl? That I can play.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Hey. Whatever works. More power to ya, honey.
Sign,
One Satisfied Southern Girl

Suze's Sass said...

Well sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do :)

amy said...

The next time I see you, remind me to revoke your feminist card. Don't worry, I still love you.

MikeTheMan said...

My question is - does it always work? Or have you ever met the guy who just tears past your superpower mind game and is able to exclaim, "Don't you know riding on the left side is against the law, anywhere??" or the like.
If you do meet that guy - expect a battle of epic proportions, a comic book series and at least two summer blockbuster movies.

lfar said...

Crossing state lines? Is that a big deal? Like crossing a low security border or something? In Canada you can enter another province without even realizing unless you are alert and looking for the "Welcome to Alberta!" sign

Token Female Gamer said...

=D
You crack me up! Gotta use those blond curls that the rest of us are so darn jealous of.
And Smooooooth moves!