Thursday, May 15, 2008

I'm Rich Bitches!

A week or so ago I was approached via email by a marketing company about placing a few test ads on a few of the posts on this very blog in exchange for MONEY! Obviously I was intrigued. And by intrigued I mean "My sell out dream has finally come true! Where do I sign? I can only hope that my blood makes good ink!" Finally the capitalist system is recognizing my genius by paying me $.67/post!

About that selling out thing. I suppose that as a arteeeeest I should be unbuy-offable, unwilling to compromise my writing for the sake of a few measly bucks, etc. Certainly just like all rock stars I expect all of my paramoures to read and adore every word I've ever written but, again like a rock star, I would like very much to get some paychecks and radio play (and, most importantly, some groupies). I have no shame because I know that secretly everyone wants to be a sell out ("I want ads. I'm jealous" -- Lisa (aka one smart cookie)), selling out your art is the new dotcom, the new pyramid scheme, the new cam girl, the new prostitution. And like all fools before me armed with only greed and laziness I am here to pimp myself out. After all, I sell out my project management skills everyday and I'm a much better (or at least more consistent) project manager than writer. I should probably consider excel spread sheets comparing actual hours to estimated hours and well crafted emails about exactly how bad things will be if I'm forced to build an entire web application by myself my real Art. Luckily, no one, save myself, considers being super anal a form of artistic expression and so no one judges me for going into the office everyday. The point is, mama has to pay the JCrew bills somehow and since my blogging is typically done from my bed while sipping a vodka gimlet I'll happily choose it over this building software racket. Moral of the story? Send me money and/or a new cashmere cardigan and I will happily do your bidding.

In addition to making me $175 closer to living on a yacht in the Caribbean this advertising adventure affords me the opportunity to link back to a number of old posts. This is fortuitous because I fear that many of my newer readers do not take the proper amount of time to thoroughly read and comment on every single post in my archives. Such an oversight could lead to people thinking that I'm not the most awesome and hilarious writer ever just because most everything I've written in say, the last 4 months, has been crap. Obviously this would be a disaster. Please, for your own good, take some time to peruse the writing (and the somewhat hilarious "Third Party Resources") that I give to you for free even though random marketing companies totally think it is worth money.


Now, there is the question of how best to blow my $175 in advertising revenue. Ideally the money would go to something frivolous that also somehow manages to benefit the blog thus easily masking the frivolity. My only idea so far is a class which I could somehow parlay into at least one (or possibly 1, 2, 3, 4, 5) blog post. Or I could just buy $175 worth of liquor and live blog my slow decent into drunken stooper. But in the spirit of community (and in homage to my never ending laziness) I'm open to suggestions from the peanut gallery -- How do you think I should spend my loot?

7 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Wait, where is the advertising? I was looking for it so that I could click on it and bring in some revenues for you.

Having just checked out your past cooking class posts, which were awesome, I vote for a class.

Brianna said...

the ads are at the very bottom of each post and worry not, my getting paid has nothing to do with people click on them -- it's all about money up front!

wolf said...

I think you should spend half the $175 on Vivarin and half on Sominex, take them both at the same time, and see which one wins. All while blogging your experiences.

I suppose a class would be good too.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Oh! $175.00 worth of scratch-off tickets! What fun!
Come to think of it, the state you live in might not have lotto. Bummer. Cause you could always claim that what you were doing was INVESTING. Totally believable.

Gillian said...

Oh man, I am SO PRO the lotto tickets!

Anonymous said...

Yes! Gambling!


-- gamblemonkey

Sky said...

I don't think you are selling out until you actually start changing your style to get the ads. And, judging on where they placed the ads, it might not be such a bad thing for your readers if you did.

That is, they picked some dam funny ones. They left out a few gems (like United Airlines, Pandora, the recent dodgeball post), but hopefully smart marketing companies will pick up on those soon as well (ahem United... how 'bout a "sorry we fucked up so bad" ad? RandomAccessBabble does come up as like the third link when you google your customer service after all...).

Oh, and I hope that, as your official groupie, you will be spending some of your new found riches buying us fabulous bottles of champagne or something this weekend.... I promise to fawn all over you in exchange.