Monday, May 15, 2006

Charm City

G and I went to Baltimore this weekend because we like to think outside of the box when it comes to romance. Also because he's creative and stuff.

A good time was had by all -- I particularly enjoyed the colorful folks we met along the way.

The first was a couple sitting next to us at lunch on Saturday. He was deaf Christian musician, she a restaurant owner who also plays professional poker(Jesus loves the gambling -- and not just with souls of the living!). I had ordered polenta to go with my yummy (if a bit cliche) Maryland crab cake and she leaned over to ask what polenta was. Since she had a bit of a southern drawl I told her it was like grits which somehow lead to her invited G to drive to Atlantic city with her to play some poker. I was of course very worried by this -- I'm cute and all but the boy loves his cards. Luckily he's (wisely) afraid of a 6 hour car ride with a mysterious 45 year old woman even if he's not afraid of me dumping his ass. The best part of this interaction came as the couple was leaving and the lady turned to me and said, "Happy Mother's Day... I hope not." I assured her I was not a mother but I'm not sure why she was so disapproving. I'd like to believe that my tummy just looks too firm to have once held a baby but I suspect she was either disapproving because I had not claimed G as my husband or because we both look young-ish (and man MD is very into carding people -- I almost forgot that I'm sneaking up on 30).

Colorful Folk number 3 accosted us on the sidewalk outside of our hotel. He has the weirdest accent I had ever heard, it was Scottish meats southern Tennesee and G swears it's the typical Baltimore accent (enhanced by a good portion of booze). I could barely understand half of what he said but I did get that he is "not the town drunk, though [he was] a little drunk." and that I should not "be scared of the black people, they ain't scared of [me]." He also encouraged G and I to "spend the whole night in [our] hotel room fucking!" This was when we waved awkwardly and quickly walked away trying not too giggle too loudly (we are, after all, almost 30, not 11 -- a fact that shocks both bar tenders and mature adults alike).

Our next dose of Baltimore hospitality came by the keg-load. We were in the hotel enjoying the pool and sauna when in stumbled 15 waxed and oiled hunks of frat boy on a mission. It was the usual mission -- get drunk, engage in homo erotic behavior, make vaguely sexist comments and then trick a member of the fairer sex into making a life long commitment to raising one of their own. They joined us in the sauna and preceded to pour beer on the rocks (no boys, it does not smell better in here now, and beer never ever is served on the rocks -- you seem like beer experts I'd have expected you to know this already.) and then play a rollicking game of "shoulders" where they got to beat on each others bare chests. We soon returned to our room.

Our cabbie yesterday afternoon at first seemed fairly normal, until we got lost looking for a movie theatre buried in the John Hopkin's university campus. We're driving around feeling perplexed that 40th street does not appear in between 39th St and 41st St when he announces, "I have to go to the hospital." Hoping that he did not mean immediately I hesitantly asked why to which he replied, "I have a lot of pain." I really had no where to go with that so I sat quietly until he announced "I'm very tired, I might fall asleep." Trying to lighten things up I joked, "You shouldn't tell us that while you're driving us around." He said, "well you should know, I might get in an accident." I was quiet for the duration of the ride except for the very loud eye raising in G's direction.

So we learned that when G and I join our powers together we become FREAK MAGNET! At least we'll never be bored.


rokr said... can you babble about this game for me pls? ty either way :)

Brianna said...

wow, look a virus. People always trying to bring me down.

themikestand said...

Sounds as if you had an awesome time. Much more fun than I would have thought Baltimore might be. Then again, I know nothing of Maryland (other than a few tidbits about their lobster fishery, but that rarely gets me anywhere at cocktail parties).

Oh, and a word of advice: do not scare 30 as you sneak ever closer. Trust me.

alia said...


how was the film part of it?


amy said...

j and I never meet interesting people when we're on vacation. Probably because we're misenthropes.

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