Saturday, June 30, 2007

This Will Only Make Things Worse

I would like to claim that the most popular page on my blog is my United Airlines post. I'm even confident that most of my readers would believe this little lie but getting away with it wouldn't make it right. The actual most popular post should surprise no one -- we all know that the internet's fame and glory is owed not to witty ranting but to naked ladies. There is exactly one picture on this blog that includes bare boobies so at least 50% of my traffic on any day lands on Holly, Bridget and Kendra mid pillow fight.

I hate to be to judge-y when it comes to masturbation material because we all have our quirks but boys (a note to girls who find this picture hot: I cannot help you), this is pathetic. I'm going to let slide that all three girls were born without the pretty gene because I generally encourage people to find beauty in everyone, even girls who look like horses, but this picture is sorely lacking in sexiness and that I cannot abide.

Let's start with the obvious problem: Bridget's ass, or rather, the trapdoor exposing Bridget's ass. This is not hot. Trap doors (or "drop seats" as I learned from this sketchy website) are for toothless rednecks who are too lazy to pull down their pants when nighttime business must be attending to in the outhouse. See? Not hot.

Next up: Glassy eyed stares. Even though men are not known for seeking out porn where the woman looks engaged I find this particular image more disturbing than average. Look at them! Holly's dreaming out the bouncing pile of loot (whoops, I mean baby) that she's gonna have Heff turkey baste into her womb any day now, Bridget's wondering if the kids who made fun of her in high school are finally jealous enough to quit this act and Kendra is thinking... who am I kidding? Kendra can't think. Are these really the girls you want participating in your pillow fight orgy fantasy? You're a smart guy with an internet connection and a little cash in the bank, can't you do better?

There are boobies plastered all over the internet -- you guys should stop settling for the sub par nakedness offerings on this blog.

In other news my popularity grows everyday: I'm hit number 79 for "meth cooking."


Melissa said...

What are you talking about? I am quite partial to the trap-door wearing hick with the glassy eyes. Though the glassy eyes might be do to some other substance...

themikestand said...

Without admitting to anything at all *cough*, I'm partial to girls who seem to be engaged (in the way you use it, not the engaged-to-be-married way).

amy said...

I didn't see you on the "meth cooking" link at all :( When did you talk about meth?