Friday, May 01, 2009

Rock Stars Revisited

I am not a rock star kind of girlfriend. I do not like staying out past 1am or drinking PBR or walking in on my boyfriend and a group-o-groupies. I would never qualify for a spot on Rock of Love ("Brianna I can feel in my soul that you're here for Brett but every time I invite you to a concert you not only show up fully clothed but often with a book, I'm sorry to say this but... your tour ends here."). (Aside: I would, however, make a fabulous ex-girlfriend of Brett Micheals, how much fun must those ladies be having watching his series of train wrecks? I have to assume they all gather in some suburban ranch style home to watch the show, sangria in hand, and celebrate what could have been but (thankfully) was not. That sounds like the kind of good time I could get into.). But despit how obviously unsuited I am to be the first lady of rock I cannot help but nurture my rock star boyfriend fantasies (yes, still, despite claims to the contrary).

What does it say about me that I can't help but swoon at the boy with the guitar? Ever since Jordan Catalano started wearing eye liner and getting chubby for movie roles (and, ironically, since he joined a band) I haven't had a really all consuming crush on your average Hollywood heartthrob. Oh sure I think Sayid on Lost is rather dreamy in a bad ass way, and I would sleep with Chuck from Gossip Girl just to say I had but truthfully all of my wet dreams are about rock stars.

The only time I've seriously considered the possibility of cheating on G was at the Drive By Trucker's show I went to in November. Somehow my friend and I were offered back stages passes (normally I'd concede that "somehow" translates to "because we were dressed like the girls most likely to get on our knees" but, perhaps ironically, this wasn't the case -- the place was teeming with girls in mid drift baring tops and we were all corduroys and light jackets). As I gazed up at Patterson Hood's crotch while he rocked his way through some song or other I caught myself thinking "exactly how bad would things be with G if I slept with that dude, I mean he'd have to forgive me, right? He's a rock star!" Least you think I'm a total bitch let me say that I would have totally called G first, and explained how this was like if he met the girl version of Micheal Stipe and she was down to bang (or ok, let's be honest, even the boy version of Micheal Stipe).

Patterson Hood is not even hot . He's a schlub-y dude who may or may not be giving Christopher Walken More Cowbell in this picture but he ROCKS. I'd like to say that this proves that I am a deep soul who is attracted to men for their talents not their looks but I suspect that isn't entirely true its not like rocking has ever been my thing. If I spent my me time fantasizing exclusively about people whose music I love things might be much more George Strait than rock gods. Perhaps I just have a thing for dudes with drinking problems.


Unknown said...

for him....? stick with G Sweety. And G, Stipe? I thought you were at least the Tweedy type. said...

Careful! G might not appreciate being lumped in with the "dudes with drinking problems"! Heh!
I totally get where you're coming from, though.

themikestand said...

You are not doing ANYTHING to combat teen drinking. This is totally the opposite of a PSA, my dear.

(also, and unrelated, the captcha for my comment is "aphingry", which pleases me because I could never ever think of the third word in the english language (besides angry and hungry) that ends in -gry. Maybe next time I'll find out what 'rhymes with orange'!)

TokenFemaleGamer said...

Rock stars? Really? For some reason I expect them all to be like Brett, alcoholics and stupid. And stupid is about as exciting as (okay I tried to come up with a great metaphor here, but realized that pretty much anything I pick someone will find arousing so I will be forced to end this sentence in lame mid flop fashion.) not exciting. (ugh!)

Smarts are good, that's why I tend to go for the actors. As a group they aren't much better then the rockers on the stupid and drinking front, but they pretend damn well. =D