Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Of Course TV Brings Me Out of Hiding

Is everyone watching Gossip Girl? Yes? Ok, good.

Now, this show may not be that awesome, it's no Buffy, it's no 90210 (old school, 'natch it's got scads on the new swill) it's probably not even on par with Dawson's Creek (not that I watched that crap even if it is perhaps the favorite show of a certain guy who I am dating who I promise is NOT GAY (though I know everyone reading this wishes he was cause how awesome would a Winner Parade post about the guy who dumped me for a dude be? Alas). Gossip Girl is sometimes even annoyingly unwatchable -- I am constantly tempted to fast forward through Dan And Serena blathering about how hard it is to date when one of you is super rich and the other is only sort of rich or Jenny pretending she is a fashion maven and not a 14 year old girl who appears to be wearing a junior bridesmaid dress BUT I stick with it because Chuck Bass is the most awesome character ever created.

Current Awesome Chuck Plot Lines

  1. I cannot get a boner for anyone other than my true love (Blair). Thank you to the CW for highlighting this pressing issue that affects scads of male teens across the country. How many times will a poor young boy have to suffer through puberty unable to attain so much as half mast unless his soul sings with love? If nothing else think of the poor young lassies desperate for a little action with your average mock turtleneck-clad hunk-a-roonie only to have her heart crushed when his dick reveals his true feelings! I am awestruck that it has taken a teen drama to finally bring this widespread horrific affliction into the spotlight, the presidential campaigns of both Obama and McCain could take a cue from Gossip Girl.
  2. No one can tell the difference between two dudes in the dark assuming they both have British accents. All English dudes are indistinguishable from one another and in last night's episode Chuck took advantage of this unfortunate evolutionary loophole in order to take advantage of Blair. When the lights are out your paramour could be Prince William, or Prince Charles or Mr Bean! This explains the proliferation of obviously less than the fittest genes throughout the British empire.
  3. How ridiculous can my outfits get before I am gay bashed at my prep school? Gossip girl has everyone in the middle of the country convinced that dudes in NYC constantly dress as if 1957 collided with a bottle of pomade and some velvet drapes in a creepy late night Central Park three-way tryst. In this season's opener Chuck sports an argyle sweater vest, a plaid bow tie and shorts with KNEE SOCKS -- the perfect croquet ensemble! I look forward to seeing Chuck clad in a kilt and bloomers before the season is out.

In conclusion:

Everyone not working at the CW: Monday nights, 8pm
CW Staff: Please make everyone else on Gossip Girl more like Chuck (start with mandated velvet penny loafers for all and work from there)


themikestand said...

First of all, I seriously tried to watch 90210 on the bus and nearly couldn't get through the first ten minutes of the pilot. Ugh. I persisted. Moving on.

Secondly, Chuck's boner is pervasive. Not like that. I mean that guy gets more ass than a toilet seat. That said, his attraction for Blair is sick, yet sweet. (Thank God something has come into our lives to replace OC-recapping).

Thirdly, I have to agree with you on the craziness of the wardrobe. Did you see Chuck and the Lord playing squash in their polo shirts? WTF. I do like his predilection for overdoing it with the product and his trenchancy towards good scotch.

Sorry about the comment blogging. Carry on :)

themikestand said...

Hmm...this just in. It occurred to me that Chuck's love of Blair is really just some sort of egomaniacal, narcissistic self-love. If that's not 3x redundant. Discuss.

Kate said...

I've never seen this show, but when the kilt and bloomers arrive, send me the memo, 'cause I'm in.